I Realllly Hate Goodbye’s
If you know me well, you know I really hate goodbyes and endings. I’m the type of person who, instead of saying bye to you straight up, will make plans then and there to see you again so we don’t have to have a proper goodbye. It’s more of a “see you later” type of thing. When I can’t weasel my way into those situations, I reallllly suck at goodbyes and cry every time. Because the thought of not knowing when I’ll be able to share an experience with someone I love again, or where it will happen is too much. I don’t typically finish the ends of series, movies or books because the thought of something coming to an end stresses me out. SO imagine how I feel when everywhere I look someone is saying something along the lines of “This is the end of a decade! How are you ending it?!”
Guys. ENDINGS ARE MY WORST NIGHTMARE! Even though it’s simply just a little number change in the date, that dang number “1” carries a lot within in it. I’m not necessarily wanting to “relive my glory days” but.. at the same time, I’m not ready to say goodbye to all the things that happened in the ‘10s. Middle school, high school, college, marriage, business moves, family members passing, gaining new family members, making and losing friends, moving, traveling, spiritual awakenings, and so so so much learning. These have been the best years of my life! (Given… so far I’ve only lived through 2 decade changes that I can remember). These are the years that I’m gonna look back on and always remember as being “easy and fun” (although there were definitely times I never thought I’d say that about certain years!) When my family is all older and reminiscing about their old hoodlum activities, I’ll think about my teenage years that happened during the ‘10s and laugh/cringe at the stupid things I did. I’ll preach to my kids about how cool Taylor Swift was when I was growing up and that One Direction doesn’t deserve to be forgotten. I guess my whole point is, this decade change is just solidifying that I’m getting older and that’s terrifying. Gone are my carefree teenage years. Gone are the days where I could get out of doing things I didn’t want to do by faking sick. This is real life now.
Welcoming In The ’20’s
Welcoming in the ‘20s means a lot of new unknown things for me. Part of me is even scared to list the things that I “hope”… “think?” will happen in the next 10 years. Growing our family, settling down in a town we want to plant our roots in, choosing and growing in a career that will provide for our needs .. THAT’S GONNA HAPPEN! Like soon! 2009 literally felt like it was 4 months ago. When all that other stuff happens, that’s gonna feel like 2019 was just a second ago! TIME IS MOVING TOO FAST!!! IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?! If you can’t tell, the future really freaks me out.
I guess the good thing about all the learning that happened in the last 10 years was that I realized that even though I can’t ever be certain of what’s to come, at least I know I can get through it. If someone told 11 year old me that by the time I was 21, I would have done all the things that I’ve done, I probably would have had a heart attack and/or crawled into my little reading closet and never came out. Not because what I’ve done has been extremely hard or scary, but just the fact that a lot of these past few years have pushed me outside of my comfort zone. Which in short really just means that I got stretched and grew because of it. I think 11 year old me would be really proud of what happened over the last 10 years. I wish I could go back and give my 11 year old self a hug and tell her how much I love her and how much fun life is and not to be scared of what’s to come.
So, to the 2010s, it’s not a goodbye. I still have the memories and experiences that you have granted me. I’ve found myself saying that every year has been “the best and hardest year ever” for as long as I can remember and honestly I think that’s just a pattern in life. I can’t wait to see the amazing, beautiful things that the ’20s bring.
I hope I can find this post 10 years from now and smile while I read the words my little 21 year old soul was thinking and expecting. I hope the woman I’ve become in the next 10 years is someone who is strong, compassionate and the type of person I’d be friends with. I hope my arms have hugged as many people as I can come in contact with. I hope my words have told people how much they mean to me. I hope that the ’20s push me outside of my comfort zone and help me impact the world one small act at a time.
So, as I sit here typing this 5 hours before the new decade, I can excitedly say that this isn’t the end.. but simply a beginning of the new best years of my life.